Tag Archives: #SuttonStrong

Aspire ~ Five Minute Friday

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“And think about grassy fields-the grasses are here now, but they will be dead by winter. And yet God adorns them so radiantly. How much more will He clothe you, you of little faith, you who have not trust:” Matthew 6:30 (The Voice)

Teetering on Trust

“It is life and death.” Words I never imagined I’d ever write in my journal and yet, two years ago today I found myself doing just that. Our youngest grandson had been life-flighted to Nationwide Children’s Hospital and his future, our future, was teetering between those very things: life and death. You may know exactly how that feels, too.

At ten months old, that precious little boy of ours lost most of his intestines due to them traveling through a small, undetected hole in his diaphragm and the blood supply being cut off from them for too long. But, praise God he survived and despite his many challenges he thrives today as a true, living miracle!

As I reflect on that experience two years ago there are many emotions, thoughts, and memories churning around inside of me. I moved in and cared for my two older grandsons while their parents stayed at the hospital. For three months there were ups and downs, joys and pain, discouragement and hope, fear and oh, so much bravery. I leaned on God’s strength more than I ever have in my life and He got me through.

Those weeks of desperate prayer, worship through praise music, reading Scripture, and receiving unbelievable support from those around us brought me to a place I’d never been, an ah-ha moment when I finally was able to say to myself and to God, “I see now. Even in the worst times You are with me working things out for the best even when I don’t understand. I. Can. Trust. You.” Let me tell you, this was a place I’d wanted to be for a long time. Trust has never been easy for me and I was relieved that I’d finally made it.

Fast forward two years and here’s the rest of the story: I still have a long way to go. Even though I didn’t think it would, worry has crept back into my life. Fears overtake me in the night. Anxiety steals my breath. And trusting God with every part of my life? I think you can probably tell I’m struggling. Oh me of little faith. The good news is the fight isn’t quite as hard as before because I’ve seen God light the way through such a dark time and that helps me to remember He guides me now.

And so, I continue to aspire to be more faithful. To trust God with everything, everyone, and all of me no matter what comes. If I’m honest, it’s scary to type those words and to believe them because I’ve lived long enough to know that desiring more faith and trust often means walking through more of those “teetering” experiences for growth to happen. I’m guessing you also know that.

“Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line-mature, complete, and wanting nothing.”
James 1:2-4 (The Voice)

I’m not wishing for hardships, quite the opposite really, but I am encouraged by these words and truly hope for a blossoming faith no matter what lies ahead. And when I need an extra reminder of finding joy in my troubles I just need to look at his smile! If this boy can smile with all he has gone and goes through, then I can embrace what comes and “ultimately find joy” in the journey, too. I pray you are encouraged to do the same and together we can say for certain, come what may, “I trust You.”

“The deepest pains may linger through the night,
but joy greets the soul with the smile of morning.”
Psalm 30:5 (The Voice)

But God

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But God

I shared with my church family on Sunday that as I’ve begun to look at verses of Scripture more closely (thank you Faithfully Following Ministries), I’ve come to love the ones that include the words, “but God.” Why? Because each time they’re present, they signal that God is going to…well, be God!

A year ago this past weekend, JD and I packed up the boys and a car load of stuff and we headed back to Point Pleasant. Sutton was fighting for his life in the hospital. Hannah and Jay were by his side. We had no idea how long I’d be gone, if we had all I’d need, or what to expect in the days to come. What we did know was, that we were very scared, full of grief, feeling totally helpless and all the while trying to hold it together for the little ones.

In an attempt to keep things “normal”, we joined the community to watch the Fourth of July Parade, lit sparklers in the driveway, and sat in lawn chairs to watch the neighborhood fire works. As you might guess though, it was about as far from normal as you can get. My mind whirled and twirled overtime. Quite honestly, I didn’t think I was brave enough, strong enough, wise enough, or anything enough to do what I was about to embark on. And guess what? I wasn’t.
But God……

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

When JD pulled out of the driveway to head home on the afternoon of July 5th leaving me on my own, I. Was. A. Mess! But God..is the Master of messes. I was weak, but He gave me strength. I was afraid, but God calmed my fears. I didn’t know what to say, but He gave me the words. The list could go on and on. Day by day, week by week, month by month, with lots of help, the boys and I we able to put one foot in front of the other, but God was holding our hands and directing our steps.

Fast forward a year. Sutton and family celebrated their 4th together yesterday! JD and I spent a quiet day at home. And while we still wish things were “normal,” we are beyond grateful and blessed that we’re now living a new normal. One where we understand how precious each day with those you love is. One where the memory of all the kindness and compassion shown to our family overwhelms us. One where though things are different, what’s truly important remains the same.

I still don’t know what to expect in the days to come. None of us do. However, I’m not as worried about it as I used to be because the truth is, “what’s to come” doesn’t have the final word for any of us,

But God…… does.

#SuttonStrong One Year Later

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“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

I stood by the bedside, his tiny hand in mine. Monitors beeped. A maze of tubes were connected all over his baby body. Eyes closed, he laid there so very still; his tender skin the color of the hospital sheets. My heart shattered.

She stood beside me, my hand on hers as she explained everything that had happened. Her words caught in her throat; my breath caught in mine. Eyes full of tears, she remained there so very bravely. My soul shuddered.

I stood beside his bedside. I stood beside her. My legs barely able to hold the weight of it all. My eyes so full of overwhelming love, witnessing such indescribable pain. Our world, shaken. 

How could this be where we were? No warning signs. No clues. No red flags to prepare us for how a small, undetected hole deep inside would change life as we’d known it. And it seemed that we each began carrying a hole deep inside us  too, carved out by the grief flowing through it all. Me being me, just wanted to make things better, but of course, I couldn’t.

“Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible with man is possible with God.’”
Luke 18:27 (NIV)

I stand beside him, his not so tiny hand in mine. Car horns beep. Neighbors wave as we meander our way through the neighborhood on our evening walk. There’s nothing still about him at all. I’m lucky to keep up with him at all. My heart soars!

What’s impossible for us is possible with God!

She stands beside me, hands me a mask, and explains everything they’re doing. This girl of mine, a Medical Mommy extraordinaire. Dad too! Words of pride well up in my throat. Eyes full of competence and confidence, they remain, taking care of what needs to be done every day, heroes without capes to me. My soul sings!

What’s impossible for us is possible with God!

I stand beside him. I stand beside her. My legs barely able to hold the weight of all the joy. Our eyes full of overwhelming love and gratitude, we are witnesses to so many indescribable miracles. Our world shifts. 

What’s impossible for us is possible with God!

It’s been a year today since Sutton’s intestines unexpectedly moved from his abdominal cavity, up through a little hole in his diaphragm, collapsed his lung, and pushed his heart to the opposite side from where it should’ve been. His near lifeless body was life-flighted to Nationwide Children’s Hospital. There, he lost most of his intestine and now he must receive all his nutrition intravenously through a line in his heart. 

So, how can we be where we are today? Sutton home and trying to do all his big brothers do? Only through God’s grace and strength, overwhelming love, wonderful doctors and nurses, the support of many, and lots and lots of prayer. 

The doctors were able to repair Sutton’s hole in his diaphragm. Though it’s a slow process, our “holes” are beginning to heal too, but only because…say Jesus’s words with me one more time:

“What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
Amen!

 

Stir ~ Five Minute Friday

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“The LORD says, ‘Now I will show them my power; now I will show them my might. At last they will know and understand that I am the LORD.’ ” Jeremiah 16:21 (NLT)

Stir or Be Still?

Funny how some things can stir up such conflicting emotions.  The first time I saw these family pictures I couldn’t have been happier. Based on the photo session I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the results were better than I’d hoped for.  I still love them today, however they’ve now also  come to represent for me, a divide in our life.

On the “before” side of the line, these photographs reflect the joy I experienced by having all of us together. We had such a fun weekend celebrating the big boys’ birthdays, walking by the river, and just enjoying each other’s company. Our smiles captured in this moment are genuine. Life felt good! No, better than good. Life felt great!
_______________________________________________________________________________

“After” lives on the other side of the line though. After we received a message we never imagined we would. After our youngest grandson was rushed to the emergency room. After the situation went from bad, to worse, to life threatening. It never occurred to me that soon after they were taken, one of our beloved family photos would be used as a battle cry for prayer, a representation of the desperate hope we were clinging to for living, pink intestines despite the unforeseen traumatic health crisis our precious boy had suffered.

Before and After: an unexpected line etched in the midst of our everyday. Our peace, comfort, sense of safety, and yes, our seemingly great life of the past becomes far removed from the agony we find ourselves standing in now. The devastating pain, the prayers not answered the way we wanted, the unknown, the fear, the guilt, and so much more in the After, seemingly cause the divide to grow even deeper until it feels as if we’re completely separated from everything we’ve known.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)

Unfortunately, we all have or will experience a dividing line sometime in our lives, maybe even more than once. During those hardest of times we feel so many things, including separation. What I’m learning though, is that my feelings can be what often lead me further from God. Maybe you’ve discovered that too? So instead, we need to conquer our emotions and cling to what we know, to what we are “convinced” of.  And that is, as Paul reminds us above, in life and death situations, when we’re caught between good and evil, find ourselves lost in worry about the future, or are trying to hang on during the highs and lows of this world, God’s love is always with us despite how it feels. Always.

Do I need to tell myself this over and over? Yes! Is it harder sometimes more than others? Yes, again. As we quickly approach the year anniversary of my grandson’s life-changing emergency, I find myself once more seeking answers that aren’t there, reliving things I wish I could change but can’t, and swirling in feelings that are all mixed up. I’m a work in progress but, I don’t want a life of constantly jumping the line between Before and After. You either? So how do we bridge the gap? There’s only One Way.

“Be still, and know that I am God!”
Psalm 46:10 (NLT) emphasis mine

No smiles in a photo are needed to know that living this is what leads to a truly great life, before, after, and forever!

https://youtu.be/x–f6pAIQI0

 

 

Wander ~ Five Minute Friday

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“Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalm 55:22 (NLT)

Wander

Early this summer our youngest grandson lost most of his small intestine due to an undetected diaphragmatic hernia. As a result, he now receives all his nutrition through a permanent central line which he is hooked up to for 16 hours a day.

Long tubing extends from his chest and stomach to a back pack which contains the life-sustaining liquid and his pump. Can you imagine what it’s like to try and keep up with a one year old who is constantly on the go while carrying the bag and attempting to keep the lines from becoming tangled on his feet and toys? It’s a challenging and honestly, exhausting endeavor.  That is, until today!

For the very first time since his medical emergency, this remarkable little boy, with everything tucked in a little pack behind him, was able to just wander about with no more entanglement and no one constantly following after him. He has a new found freedom to now choose the direction he will go.

You know, as Christians, we can also find ourselves hooked on things that ensnarl and trip us up. When we are connected to anything, even good things, more than we are to our life-sustaining relationship with God, we can suddenly find ourselves at the end of our rope, feeling as if there’s no where left to go.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”
Hebrews 12:1-2a (NIV)

Trying to keep up in life with all the twists and turns is often challenging for me. You too?  It’s easy to feel weighed down and held back by our weaknesses and worries.  I think you’ll agree, we can feel just plain worn out. Until that is, Jesus!  Jesus, who calls us to come to Him because His burden is light and He provides much needed rest.

Our grandson is truly a walking miracle! His life has forever changed but by God’s grace he’s learning to adapt one step at a time. In some ways it’s much the same for you and me. Through the miracle of Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection we can answer Jesus’ call and step into new life with Him, the One who packs up our sins, frees us from their bondage, and teaches us the direction we should go and when we do? That my friends, is where we’ll find we’ve been forever changed, too.

Share Four Somethings ~ September

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Share Four Somethings ~ September

I know I always say this, but it feels as if I just wrote my August Four Somethings post! This month has come and gone and I’m not sure how I didn’t notice it flying by. September was full of good news though, and I can’t wait to share it with you! Here we go…

“Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

Something Loved

It’s been the everyday little things I’ve loved this month. Bike rides at sunset, planning and digging an “underground house”, both boys back to school, wild basketball games, singing together, making cookies, and so much more. Each small moment with my grandsons has made a BIG memory that I’ll cherish always. There’s an old Oak Ridge Boys song called “Thank God For Kids” and the last chorus says:

“Thank God for kids there’s magic for a while
A special kinds of sunshine in a smile.
Do you every stop to think or wonder why?
The nearest thing to Heaven is a child.
When you get down on your knees tonight
To thank the Lord for His guiding light
Pray they turn out right.
Thank God for kids.”

Magic, smiles, sunshine, Heaven. That’s how I feel about spending time with the kids I love more than anything and I thank God for them everyday!

 

“When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.” Romans 12:13 (NLT)

Something Read

To say I’m excited is kind of an understatement. For the first time ever, my words are actually in print! I’m so honored and grateful to be part of this beautiful journal! The “Woven Journal” by http://www.sweettothesoulministry.com is full of devotionals, articles, recipes, art, coloring pages, scripture, and more! The theme of Woven is centered around being invited and hospitality which allowed me to share the story of my first year teaching and the kind veteran teacher who took me in when I had nowhere to stay. She’s now my mother-in-love but that’s a story for another time. Writing has been my dream for a very long time and to read my own words in such a special publication is, well, just plain amazing!

“Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.” Mark 9:37 (NLT)

Something Treasured

Sutton’s homecoming! Need I say more? Those who’ve been reading along here know that for the past three months my youngest grandson has been in Nationwide Children’s Hospital after a traumatic health emergency in which he lost all of his small intestine. But God. Sutton has now been home for a little over a week and doing fantastically! Life is different but what a gift to have him reunited with his brothers and to be back to being a family of 5 living at home. And what a celebration it was! The wonderful community once again came together and had a Homecoming Drive By Parade with Fire Trucks, Police Cars, and even Silly String! It is a day I will treasure in my heart forever more.

“I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done.” Psalm 143:5 (NLT)

Something Ahead

Now that I’m also back home, I feel somewhat adrift, so I’m looking forward to trying once again to do the 31-Day Writing Challenge sponsored by Five Minute Friday Writing Community to anchor me. 31 prompts. 31 days. Can I do it? I haven’t ever completed it the times I’ve tried before, but there’s a first time for everything, right? We shall see how it goes.

I love this practice of reflecting on the month and choosing moments to share with you.  It helps me to be grateful and more aware of my blessings.  How about you? What Four Somethings would you share? I’d love for you to tell me in the comments. And don’t forget that you can always go to http://www.heathergerwing.com to read more or better yet, to join in. As always I so appreciate you taking your time to stop in here to read my ponderings.  It means more than you know!

Share Four Somethings~August 2021

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We often think of joy and sorrow as opposites – their definitions far apart from each other. But when you’ve lived a “few” years you come to realize that they’re actually connected.  Joy and sorrow walk hand in hand together throughout our lives. Even in the most joyous times there are twinges of sorrow present; and as I’ve learned in this past month, when experiencing great, overwhelming sorrow, joy is also right there in the midst of it all.

My grandson, Sutton has been in the Nationwide Children’s Hospital for a little over two months now.  His life and ours, have changed. With that, comes the darkness of grief. But friends, I’m here to tell you that joy lights the way through it!

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
Psalm 30:5b (NLT)

Share Four Somethings

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:3 (NIV)

~Something Loved~

As Sutton was life-flighted to Columbus at the end of June, my husband and I were packing to make the four hour trip to be with our two older grandsons. Time passed with little talk and lots of prayer. Upon arrival we immediately went into caregiver mode. For two weeks, together we tried to put our fears and grief aside to meet all their needs. After that, my husband had to return to work and I began caring for them on my own.  I’ve been here ever since.

There’ve been days I was sure I couldn’t go on, times the boys were so upset I didn’t know what to do, moments when I had to ignore my MiMi heart to discipline, and nights when we all cried ourselves to sleep. But woven through it all has been the realization that we are making memories that we never would have under “normal” circumstances.  The funny thing is, before all this happened, I’d find myself lying awake praying that nothing would happen to me before I’d spent enough time with the boys for them to remember me. And now….here we are together! I’ve loved spending time with my grandsons; from doing simple things like playing office, to celebrating the first day of kindergarten, visiting Sutton every weekend, touring a museum together, reading bedtime stories, singing songs, and laughing…a lot. In the middle of the pain: Joy!

 

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (NLT)

~Something Read~

Living in an unfamiliar town, driving a van, having a much more active schedule, etc…. For this “comfort zone addict” gal, being away from home has been hard at times. There may even have been a bit of whining. It’s amazing though, that when I’ve had an especially challenging day, I’ll go to the mailbox and find a card from a friend or my phone will beep with a text from a loved one. Reading inspiring Bible verses, encouraging words, even old fashioned newsy letters, have brightened my days and improved my mood…a lot. In the midst of change: Joy!

 

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19 (NIV)

~Something Treasured~

As parents, we hope and pray that our children, no matter their age, have friends who’ll always be there for them, a community that embraces them, and a church family to uplift them. I’ve worried about this (I know shocking, right?) But there’ve been times when these things were missing from my kid’s lives.

Thankfully, my worry was unwarranted as usual, as both our children now have a wonderful support system! Never was it more evident though, than in this last month! The outpouring of care and concern for our family through this health crisis with Sutton has been beyond amazing! It’s impossible to find the words to express the gratitude we feel. There have been T-shirt Fundraisers, a Benefit Golf Tournament, an Auction of a one-of-a-kind clock made by the Blind Clockmaker (if you’ve never seen his inspiring story, I’ll link it below), cards, gifts, meals, donations to the Ronald McDonald House, and so much more. And oh my goodness, the outpouring of prayers lifted for Sutton. It’s been miraculous really, how such a little boy has brought so many people together!

Do you remember what the Bible says happened after the Shepherds had visited Jesus in the stable then left to spread the message the Angels had given them? Yes, Mary thought about all that had happened and she kept it in her heart. That’s how I feel too. I will treasure all I’ve seen, heard, and felt this past month, keeping it close at heart, knowing there are others who’ve got this support thing down pat, and I will ponder on that…a lot! At the center of great need: Joy!

 

“He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy, the time for morning and the time for dancing,” Ecclesiastes 3:4 (GNT)

~Something Ahead~

Home. That is what’s ahead!
We’re rejoicing! If everything keeps going as well as it has been, Sutton will be home in a very short time. And while it will be different, and scary, and hard, and yes, sad sometimes, it is an answer to all our prayers and a gift we’ve been given that many do not receive. In time, these months will be behind us and a new normal will develop. Doing a happy dance just thinking about it!

Having Sutton home means that I’ll go home, too. I’ll return to my normal, my hubs won’t have to live the bachelor life anymore, my schedule will be my own. These are happy things. And yet..  I’ll be leaving the boys. No more tucking them in, fixing their breakfast, watching Bluey together while eating popcorn. Mother-daughter time will be less, too. The pull of home means leaving a part of me here and I’m going to miss them…a lot! At the heart of joyously moving on: sorrow.

August for me, has been a month of ups and downs, highs and lows, and many joys and sorrow. But really, that’s life, isn’t it? As Solomon reminds us:

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NLT)

But no matter how long the season or the night, we can take comfort in knowing that “Joy comes with the morning!”

I’m once again linking up at http://www.heathergerwing.com to Share Four Somethings. Click over to read what others are reflecting on this month.  I’d love to know what you’d share! Let me know in the comments. I  want to remind you that I am so blessed by your presence here! Thank you for stopping in! And don’t forget to watch Jim Morgan’s story below.  You will be glad you did!