“The LORD says, ‘Now I will show them my power; now I will show them my might. At last they will know and understand that I am the LORD.’ ” Jeremiah 16:21 (NLT)
Stir or Be Still?
Funny how some things can stir up such conflicting emotions. The first time I saw these family pictures I couldn’t have been happier. Based on the photo session I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the results were better than I’d hoped for. I still love them today, however they’ve now also come to represent for me, a divide in our life.
On the “before” side of the line, these photographs reflect the joy I experienced by having all of us together. We had such a fun weekend celebrating the big boys’ birthdays, walking by the river, and just enjoying each other’s company. Our smiles captured in this moment are genuine. Life felt good! No, better than good. Life felt great!
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“After” lives on the other side of the line though. After we received a message we never imagined we would. After our youngest grandson was rushed to the emergency room. After the situation went from bad, to worse, to life threatening. It never occurred to me that soon after they were taken, one of our beloved family photos would be used as a battle cry for prayer, a representation of the desperate hope we were clinging to for living, pink intestines despite the unforeseen traumatic health crisis our precious boy had suffered.
Before and After: an unexpected line etched in the midst of our everyday. Our peace, comfort, sense of safety, and yes, our seemingly great life of the past becomes far removed from the agony we find ourselves standing in now. The devastating pain, the prayers not answered the way we wanted, the unknown, the fear, the guilt, and so much more in the After, seemingly cause the divide to grow even deeper until it feels as if we’re completely separated from everything we’ve known.
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)
Unfortunately, we all have or will experience a dividing line sometime in our lives, maybe even more than once. During those hardest of times we feel so many things, including separation. What I’m learning though, is that my feelings can be what often lead me further from God. Maybe you’ve discovered that too? So instead, we need to conquer our emotions and cling to what we know, to what we are “convinced” of. And that is, as Paul reminds us above, in life and death situations, when we’re caught between good and evil, find ourselves lost in worry about the future, or are trying to hang on during the highs and lows of this world, God’s love is always with us despite how it feels. Always.
Do I need to tell myself this over and over? Yes! Is it harder sometimes more than others? Yes, again. As we quickly approach the year anniversary of my grandson’s life-changing emergency, I find myself once more seeking answers that aren’t there, reliving things I wish I could change but can’t, and swirling in feelings that are all mixed up. I’m a work in progress but, I don’t want a life of constantly jumping the line between Before and After. You either? So how do we bridge the gap? There’s only One Way.
“Be still, and know that I am God!”
Psalm 46:10 (NLT) emphasis mine
No smiles in a photo are needed to know that living this is what leads to a truly great life, before, after, and forever!
Cindy thank you for your transparency, yes we all at one time or another will face dividing lines and often do feel separation. What a good good Father we have who wraps us in his warm, safe, comforting arms of love.
FMF#19
Thank you Cindy for your powerful post. It caused me to reflect on my own before and afters. Only yesterday I finally took down a family portrait that a family member had asked me to remove some time ago. This time caused by a sad separation of relationship. It is so easy to be overwhelmed by feeling and to forget the truth, which is the rock on which we, on which you stand. Thank you. #30
Wow! Cindy, as I read your stirring account of reality my heart was clenched in deep sadness. I’m glad I quickly read through to the end to see that Sutton is a year older now than when that story was being written in real time. No matter how strong our faith, we learn the desperate “what if” game early in life. And it never leaves us. It’s so much easier to commit to the human “trust, but verify” over the “trust and know” that comes from God. We are human and we are works in progress.
Trust and know is how I want to live my life. Thank you for your constant encouragement, Jane! ❤️
There are so many points in life that can be marked with before & after. I appreciate you sharing your story. I gives me perspective on some things that have been troubling me lately.
Life is a challenge isn’t it Barb? It’s a gift that we can encourage each other! I appreciate you stopping in!