Dippity Doo and Red Hair Too

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“Burr Head”, “Bozo”, “Brillo Pad”……..just a few of the names I’ve been called, none of which mind you, I’ve particularly ever cared for. They are names I was called because of the curly hair that grows in a ball on my head…..my nemesis for life! Oh how I have suffered because of it! Let me just enlighten you to life with naturally curly hair.

When I was elementary school age my mom didn’t know what to do with my wiry stuff so she did what any mother would do. She had it cut off. I’m talking short! So short in fact, that I was often mistaken for a boy. I have a vivid memory of being in fifth grade and sent to pick something up at the shoe repair store. The nice gentleman behind the counter politely said, “What can I do for you today, son?” I immediately burst into tears and ran from the store. The poor man.

Then came Junior High. It was the 70’s and all the cool girls had long straight hair. Not me! Oh I tried…..every night I would smear “Dippity Doo” all over my stubborn curls and then cover the slimy mess with a tight cap. Each morning was the same sad story. I would go to the mirror only to find that as I removed the cap, stiff, crunchy curls would pop up all over my head. In my preteen mind it was the end of the world. As my thirteenth birthday approached I wanted only one thing, a fall, a hairpiece that attached to my hair giving me long, flowing, straight locks. I begged and begged and when the day arrived with great anticipation I opened my present. There before me was the most beautiful long hair I had ever seen and it was all mine! As you can imagine I put it right on, added a wide headband to cover where it attached, and modeled for my unimpressed younger sisters (who both have straight hair, by the way). Sleep came hard that night as I pictured over and over how stylish I would look the next day with my new long hair. Alas, again I have a vivid memory of Anthony Powell (yes I still remember your name if you’re out there) walking innocently up behind me at the bus stop, grabbing a handful of my lovely locks and yanking with all his might. As you might have guessed, he ripped the fall right off my head along with a nice chunk of my real hair too. Bursting into tears again, I ran home my dreams of fitting in dashed once more.

During High School and College my stubborn hair took on a life of its own as I attempted to grow it out, hoping the weight of it would pull out some of the curl.  It grew out alright.  Out, up, sideways, just not down.  Like a Chia Pet the sphere of hair got larger and larger around while the curls were…well, curly. No hair gel could tame them. No hairstylist could style them.  No more tears or running away.  I surrendered.  Instead of fitting in I sort of stood out…..not in a good way either.

Fast forward to motherhood.  I was teaching, had two small children, volunteering, and didn’t have time for my crazy hair so I did what any mother would do.  I cut it off.  I’m talking short. Elementary school short.  My friend the hairdresser will tell you that she never thought I would return after she followed my directions to scalp me.  I look back on those pictures now (as do my children) and wonder what in the world I was thinking. The truth is  I had no time to try to be fashionable and fitting in took a back seat to being uncomplicated and quick.

The cycle has continued through the years.  I grow out the mop and then cut it off.  Grow it out and then can’t stand the poodle ears and cut it off again.  In desperation to do something with the diabolical, graying poof on my head, I decided to tap into my hidden wild side and dyed my locks red.  I’ve had several shades of red…..cherry cola red, Lucille Ball red, I even went so far to dye the front of my hair a bright, wear your sunglasses, red.  Unfortunately, I didn’t think it through first and afterward realized that not only did I have to go to school the next morning like that but I was also about to go on a trip with three of my friends.  You can imagine the stares they endured as people around us wondered why three normal teachers would travel with some woman who had a “FarmAll Tractor red” streak across her forehead. One man told me I had stood out in the rain too long and was starting to rust…..oh the shear horror of it all!  On a positive note, they didn’t lose me in the crowd.  I was hard to miss. Much to her relief, I shed THAT red just in time for my daughter’s bridal shower.

This past summer I realized that every time I looked at a vacation picture of myself my comment was always the same, “that hair”.  So once again, this past week I had it cut off.  Not only did I cut it off I also tried a new color.  I’m now a brunette (with a little red showing through).  It’s taking some getting used to but both the cut and color are growing on me.  More than that though, I have started to realize that for 50 years or so I’ve tried to control something that can’t be controlled.  It’s been frustrating, disappointing, agonizing, embarrassing, and so much more!  I wish I could go back and tell my younger self how much easier life could have been if I’d just embraced who I was, who God designed me to be.  I was born with and meant to have curly hair.  It makes me sad that for so long I have fought against myself and I can now see that it has carried over into other areas of my life.  I like control!  I need control!  I do not like to feel out of control!  Guess what?  Just like my hair, life can’t be controlled and trying feverishly to do so elicits in me the same feelings that fighting my hair has. It’s also occurred to me how self-centered and prideful worrying about my hair has been.  I mean truly, who cares what my hair looks like except me?  I want to shed more than the red.  I want to let go of all the insecurities I have felt about myself for so many years.  I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. (or should I say hair?)  I want to accept that I’m never going to have, the perfect body, the perfect life, or the perfect hairstyle and be ok with that.  I don’t know what it is about this new cut that has made me realize that it’s time to get to know my true self, hair and all.  But I do know that a trip to the hairdresser has opened my eyes and heart to the understanding that we can either cry and run away from who we are or we can shake loose those false expectations and stiff control, run our fingers through our hair letting it finally fall naturally, freeing ourselves to be exactly who we are supposed to be and love it!

 

The Story of My Life

The Story of My Life

Scoop’in Frogs

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Scoop'in Frogs

Scoop’in Frogs

Well, I had a new experience this week.  Something I’ve never done before.  What was it you ask?  For the first time ever (and maybe last) I scooped dead frogs, eight to be exact, out of my daughter’s pool. Now, I’ve had the reputation as “the teacher who loves frogs” and it is true, I loved to decorate with frogs, but touching them?….that’s another story….AND a fact I never let the kids know.  So, to see motionless frogs with their little arms stretched out, floating on the clear pool water was just a little disconcerting for me.  Wanting to be a helpful mother however, I ignored my squeamish stomach, bravely grasped the pool net, scooped those bloated, gelatinous amphibians out of the water and launched them over the fence where they plopped right onto their final resting place.  I’m sure that wasn’t the plan they had when they jumped into the cool, evening water.

I don’t know what caused the demise of those poor frogs.  Chlorine maybe or smothering under the solar cover.  Whatever it was wouldn’t have happened though if they hadn’t been somewhere they weren’t supposed to be. How like us humans is that?  We see something we want and ignoring the consequences we dive right in after it.   Food?  Relationships?  Spending?  The list goes on and on and it’s different for all of us.  We’ve all been there.  We want what we want.  Just like bugs to a light or frogs to a pool, we leap in head first after the bright and shiny, rich and juicy, attractive and available ignoring common sense or the voice of reason setting off alarms in our heads.  At that split second before impact we sometimes realize things might not be as they seemed, but it’s too late.  Splash! We are in over our heads.

I’m also curious why the frogs wandered to the swimming pool in the first place when there is a beautiful stream flowing nearby.  Were they misguided by the notion that what they had wasn’t good enough or did they blindly follow the frog crowd? Whatever the reason they’d been better off staying where they belonged.  We too, often overlook our blessings and presume that we deserve more.  Listening to popular culture we are led to believe there is a better way than our way.  I have fallen for these mistruths more times than I’d like to admit.  For example, while focusing on what I wish to weigh I have forgotten to be thankful for the food I have.  When worrying about whether my clothing is in style or the right brand I lack gratitude for my full closet. And so on and so on.  Wanting more leads to wanting more until we can become so weighted down with our wants that we sink in despair.  It is a lesson I need to take to heart and wish I could have learned sooner!

As fall quickly approaches I am challenging myself  to not wait until November but to have an attitude of Thanksgiving NOW! I am going to purposely look for blessings in everyday things. I want to express gratitude to those who are “hopping” along this journey with me.  I want to embrace who I am and where I belong.

Scoop’in frogs again isn’t in my future anytime soon but I am going to try to scoop up blessings until my net overflows. What about you? Have you thought about having an “attitude of gratitude”? Now’s the time!  Jump on in the water is fine! (if you’re not a frog that is)

Preparing for the Climb

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My First “Small” Summit

It’s been a tough week.  School started and I wasn’t there.  For the first time in thirty-three years I didn’t decorate my classroom with colorful frogs, prepare fun opening day activities, or pick out a “first day of school” outfit.  I am done, finished…….retired.  I fully expected to feel happy and free but instead I feel disconnected and at loose ends.

Life is not static.  Changes come like the rise and fall of the mountains.  Just when we sigh a breath of relief on the downhill side another slope ascends before us.  Right now I feel like I am facing Spruce Knob, the highest point in West Virginia.  I can’t see what waits for me on the other side and the climb seems difficult, my footing unsure .  I am reminded that it is in exactly these times that faith propels us to the top.  It is faith that helps us take that first step, faith that whispers “don’t look down”, and faith that assures us that we’re almost there.

When I focus on ME and try to control the climb, I stumble every time.  But when I concentrate less on my own effort and more on “The Guide” the rise to the summit seems possible.  Now, I am not there yet but I am “in training”.  Taking baby steps and scaling small peaks is preparing me for the precipice that is this new life of mine. We all face cliffs and crags in our lives, but remembering to cling to “The Rock” helps us face those challenges and the unknown without the fear of falling.  Let’s shout that from the mountaintops!

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Unexpected Cruise

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Cruising?

Cruising?

I’ve just returned from a wonderful visit with my family at my sister’s lake house!  Every year, something I look forward to is climbing aboard “Pink Panther” and taking a cruise around the lake.  I enjoy seeing all the cottages along the shore, waving to people in other boats, and the feeling of the breeze against my skin on a hot summer day.  This year things were a little different.  We climbed aboard alright, however we didn’t have the cruise we’ve had in the past.  You see, Pink Panther was a little under the weather and unable to fufill our cruising expectations.

How many times in our lives do we embark on something with certain expectations only to find  those expectations not met?  A friendship?  A Job?  Marriage?  Parenthood?  So many times in our lives we set ourselves up for disenchantment simply because our expectations are not realistic and so when others don’t meet them, we ultimately perceive them to let us down. The sad reality is that so often in the midst of the disappointment we are ready to jump ship, swim to shore, and find a new vessel without realizing that we are the ones who have caused the malfunction.

I know I have brought about heartache in myself and others all because I had a picture in my mind of how I expected something to go only to find that my picture and reality were two very different things. I’ve experienced that sinking feeling when I felt my friends were not doing what I thought they would.  I remember floundering as a new teacher because  the real world of the classroom wasn’t what I envisioned it would be.   Marriage and parenthood?  Well, suffice it to say I haven’t navigated those waters without going off course.  The kind of wife and mother I thought I would immediately be has actually taken a long voyage with lots of rough waters along the way.

The vital lesson I’m learning is that we need to stay the course.  Life isn’t always smooth sailing.  People, situations, and most importantly we ourselves are not perfect.   Storms, failures, and disapointments are going to come. There is no way we’re going to meet all the expectations others have for us or we have for ourselves and so we can’t expect those in our lives to meet all of ours either.  On those picture perfect days floating along life’s way is easy but when our husband, wife, or children let us down, the promotion doesn’t come through, someone we love is suffering, or even if we feel betrayed by a friend it can seem we are flailing about in unchartered waters.  When I find myself in times like these I am trying to remember to trust the one true “Life Preserver” and grab ahold of God to keep from sinking into despair.  Trusting is often hard for me, like paddling against the current but I am finding that when I stop anchoring myself with “my way”, “my expectations” and begin to trust, it frees me to  give up the helm and hold on until I make it to shore.  Our excursion through life may not always be what we expect it to be but it can be like Pink Panther when she gets her new parts….Better Than Ever!  Happy Cruising!

 

Nutty Generosity

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I enjoyed my quiet time on the front porch this morning.  It was “peacefully noisy”.  The melodious chatter of the birds filled the air.  A cool breeze rustled through the leaves.  The goats next door loudly conversed with each other and a rooster somewhere in the distance crowed his good morning to the world.

While I sat in my rocking chair contemplating life, a squirrel crept through the yard and stopped to partake of birdseed and nuts that had spilled from my feeders above.  He watched me as intently as I watched him.  Believe it or not, squirrel watching brought back sudden memories from my childhood.  Funny, how memories are.  They can come on at anytime, out of the blue, and they bring with them intense feelings.  This particular memory is of my childhood neighbor, Dale.  He always carried peanuts in his pockets to feed the squirrels while he worked in his yard.  “His squirrels” became so accustomed to this that they actually would climb up on Dale as he slept on a lounge chair in his backyard and take the peanuts out of his pockets themselves.

Dale’s generosity didn’t just extend to squirrels.  From the moment my mom, sisters and I moved in next door, he did whatever he could to make us feel welcomed!  This is where the intense feelings come in….We moved in 1971 after my dad left our family.  We were all grieving and brokenhearted.  As I look back now, I realize it didn’t take Dale long to know that we were in desperate need of someone to care for and look out for us.  He took it upon himself to do just that.  We never knew what to expect….big signs on our doors, poems and stories adorned with pictures cut out of magazines, or a snowman holding a welcome home sign built out of the first snow on our back steps.  He was quick with a smile and a joke.  He and his wife, Lois quickly became more than our neighbors, they became family.

Generosity……something that is harder and harder to find in the world today and yet needed more than ever.  I regret now that I never expressed to Dale what his kindness meant to me.   I don’t think he ever knew how important he was to us and how much his freely given love did to begin to mend our hearts.  It is 42 years later and his actions are still an inspiration.  I would like to believe that my attempts at putting others first and looking for little ways to reach out are a direct result of having been so generously treated.

Dale’s actions were unselfish, creative, and yes, sometimes a little nutty, but just like the squirrels that grew to trust him enough to feed them, three young girls and their mom grew to trust him too.  You see it wasn’t just Dale’s pockets that were filled to overflowing it was also his heart.  Today’s rush of memories are an important reminder and a challenge to me to more freely give of myself and my time.  What about you?  Is there someone in your life you need to thank for being generous or is there someone who needs to be touched by the power of YOUR generosity?  Don’t wait until it’s too late, because speaking as one who knows,  there’s no doubt that we would all be much better off if we were  just a little nuttier like Dale.

 

"Do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." Hebrews 13:16

“Do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16

Dive On In

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Diving Pelican

Diving Pelican

One of my favorite things at the beach are the pelicans. There’s just something about them.  They are large, majestic birds that fly with such a grace and beauty. The expressions they wear, so wise.   I simply can’t keep from looking up at them whenever they fly overhead. (yes, I know the dangers all too well, but I still can’t take my eyes off of them).  It is amazing to watch as they seemingly skim the tops of the ocean waves barely moving their wings as they sail down the coast.  I am enthralled most though, with a pelican’s precision, determination, and courage as they dive for food!  First, it scans the sea from high above somehow sensing where fish swim below.  Then, stopping mid-air, the pelican turns it’s body into a perfect dive position, freezing in the exact spot for a split second, and then at high speed, plunges head first into the foamy waters below.  Amidst the splash and waves, up comes the pelican with a gulp and he is off again to continue on to the next course of his meal.  The rise and ebb of the waves don’t deter them.  The loud cries of nearby seagulls don’t distract them from their goal.  They simply do what they set out to do, without hesitation,  as many times as it takes to fulfill their need.

You would think after all the years I’ve watched pelicans I might have learned a thing or two from them, but it wasn’t until this past respite on the shore that I began to see the lessons they have to share.  Being at any new place in the journey of life, retirement for me, is exciting but it’s also scary.  People keep asking me how I’m going to fill my time.  I smile, and tell them something will come along.  Oh sure, I have dreams, plans, and schemes,  but the question is, am I brave enough, determined enough to go “head first” after them? You see that’s the thing about me and maybe with you too, I don’t like the unknown and I don’t like to fail.  These traits don’t often lead to our goals and dreams being realized.   I think my pelican friends have been showing me that it’s time to set my sights on something and plunge right in!  Sure, the waters may get rough and I might not always find what I set out to find but with faith, I can rise up and dive again.  It’s an important lesson I need to put into action!  I’ve spent most of my life afraid to try new things: foods, roads, relationships, activites….the list goes on and on.  I have allowed my dreams to be drowned out by my own cries of insecurity which has left a sinking feeling in my heart.   No more!   I’m sensing God leading me to new hopes and dreams and a braver, maybe little wiser me rising up.  I no longer want anything to hold me back, mid-air if you will. So, armed with my new “pelican lessons” I think I’m finally ready to get into position and without hesitation DIVE ON IN!

 

Beautifully Imperfect

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I have just returned from my annual pilgrimage to the beach.  I call it a pilgrimage because for me, being at the beach is spiritual.  It is the place I feel most like myself…..whole somehow.  We have been going to the same beach for many years now, and each year it is the same.  I walk on the shore looking for that perfect, desirable shell.  Somehow, I always convince myself that no matter how many others have searched before me, if I look intently enough, God will place that enviable shell at my feet.

This summer was no differenct.  I found myself scouring the sand for my perfect shell.  Excitedly, I would spot one, pick it up, and find upon inspection that it was pretty but not perfect.  Throwing it back to sea, I moved on to continue my search.  After a few days of picking up and throwing down, one of those “ah-ha” moments happened.  I realized that often our lives are just like my shell search.  We are so intent on finding that perfect life that we often miss the beautiful imperfect moments of the real life God has designed for us.  I am learning that being cracked, broken, tossed about, and worn are what makes me who I am.  It is through these imperfect moments that I grow and learn to appreciate the journey of my life.  Just as the shell’s journey from sea to shore scars it’s surface, so our journey marks our lives with trials and challenges.  It is what we take from these imperfections that determines who we become.

Yes, it is true, I am far from perfect.  Thank goodness, God, the Perfect One, isn’t going to throw me back!

Beautifully Imperfect

Beautifully Imperfect

Simple Love Notes

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It took six days but I finally have my classroom cleaned out of 32 years of saving, creating, collecting, and reusing stuff!  It only took five or six wheelbarrow loads a short trip to the dumpster and a LONG walk down memory lane.  Deep in the corners of drawers, cupboards and shelves I found trinkets, artwork, and gifts I have received through the years.  Precious things that a teacher just cannot throw away.  Amongst these treasures were a variety of love notes from former students.  Some scribbled on scraps of paper.  Others drawn with crayons or markers and the paper filled with colorful drawings.  Reading those forgotten notes brought back vivid memories of children I taught who are now adults with children of their own as well as students I have had more recently.  Many letters had no name on them to identify the writer just the words “I love you” in a child’s print, but I saved them all just the same.

The offering of love is a precious gift. One that we should all freely give.   Children seem to understand this better than we adults.  Four little words,  You’re the best teacher”, scribbled on  the back of an old wrinkled spelling test years ago, filled me with such joy when I received it and again when I uncovered it last week.  Six words…..”I wish you were my mother”.  Three words….”I love you”.  It seems so simple….feel something and express it, but we know that giving love is risky.  We might be hurt or made fun of.  The feeling may not be returned.  We can think of many reasons for not opening our hearts to others.  It seems easier just to keep it to ourselves.

After experiencing the overwhelming warmth of love I felt as I read each note I found, I’m determined to be braver and more willing to show others how I feel about them.  Maybe it will be through a smile, a hug, a gift, or who knows, even through a love note.  It doesn’t have to be elaborate.  It doesn’t have to be planned.  It just simply has to be shared.

Before I started cleaning out my classroom, I promised myself (and my husband) that I wouldn’t bring too much home with me.  I must confess though, that I could not bring myself to throw away those precious acts of love I had been so freely given.  I tucked them away in a special box to be gone through again when my heart needs reminding about the wonderful power of a simple love note.

A Simple Love Note

A Simple Love Note

Celebrations

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Oh my!  So much has happened since my last post.  It has been a whirlwind and I haven’t quite stopped spinning yet.  In the past two weeks I have been the speaker at the 6th grade commencement,  finished the school year with my Second Graders, made it through my retirement ceremony, spent the weekend on a mountaintop with girlfriends, and traveled with my family to Indiana for my nephew’s High School Graduation Open House.  Whew!

As you can see, my last two weeks have been a series of celebrations!  It’s funny, each event celebrated an ending but at the same time they also celebrate new beginnings.  The Sixth Graders are leaving Elementary School behind but will be making new friends in Middle School.  My Second Graders will no longer sit in their small desks in my classroom but will instead move down the hall into larger desks and will learn so many new and exciting things. I am no longer a teacher at NFES.  There are so many parts of that I do not want to end, however there is a small tickle of anticipation beginning to grow in my soul at the thought of taking a new path.  My friends and I escaped to a mountain retreat to celebrate not one but THREE retirees!  We each have taught for many years and to see it end is scary and yet each of us have new hopes, dreams, and goals we desire to fulfill as we begin this new life stage.  And finally, my nephew has accomplished so much and has made us very proud during his High School years but now he will move on and begin his path to finding the perfect career.

These past two weeks have been filled with laughter, hugs, reminiscing, and yes, tears. Through it all I am reminded that though life presents many endings it also gifts us with new beginnings that take us into unchartered territory. Thankfully it does not send us there unprepared.  We take with us all the lessons we have learned along the way, the support of those who mean the most to us, and the confidence that our steps are guided to lead us right where we are meant to be. Yes, endings can be sad and scary but discovering the possibilities that our new beginnings offer us are definitiely a reason for celebration!

Countdown to Retirement~Day 4~A Goat Story

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On a normal school day I get up, have my cup of coffee, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack my lunch, and head off to school.  I have done the same thing for more mornings than I can count.  This morning however, had just a little more excitement!  After I had gotten dressed but before I packed my lunch I heard an unusual noise.  I looked out my front door and found that one of our neighbor’s goats was wedged between a building and the fence AND he had his head, horns and all, stuck through the fence.  Now, I was raised a city girl but I’ve learned a few things in 32 years of country living. Unfortunately, being a “goat whisperer” is not one of them.  I frantically worked for 20 minutes to try and free that crazy animal’s head from what I thought was sure death!  After having my fingers pinched between goat horns and fence wire several times, I came to the conclusion that I was not going to be able to save the poor thing so decided to call around the neighborhood to find someone stronger to help me.  Promising the goat I would return I quickly ran inside to use the phone.  Would you believe that as the phone was ringing on the other end I looked out the window and that dumb goat was gone!!!! He had freed himself and was back on the top of the hill with the herd!!! ( now you decide who was the dumb one…him or me!)

Sometimes, being a teacher is a little bit like my goat friend this morning.  Decisions that are out of our control are made and the results wedge us into places we don’t want to be.  What we know and believe to be true about children is overlooked and expectations are placed upon us that are cumbersome and unrealistic.  Of course, most of us do all we can to try and accomplish what is asked of us, all the while working to help our students be the best they can be.  And just about the time we start to figure it all out, the expectations change again and there we are stuck just like the goat with someone who doesn’t have the skills to help, trying to push us in a direction we don’t want to go.  I truly believe that if the powers that be would offer teachers the time and opportunity to find their own way, they would be surprised at how quickly it would free us to practice what we know to be right and allow us to lead our students to the top of the hill, right where every “kid” should be!