One Word: Trust

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"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)

It should be an exciting time. A time for looking toward the future. For planning and dreaming. So why is my stomach in knots, my throat tight with unspoken fears, and worry filling my nights? One word. Trust.

We’ve come to a place where our house isn’t able to be our place of refuge anymore.  Its age has caught up with it and the problems are too numerous to solve.  Those who know houses advise us to tear it down.  My reaction? You know me…..”Tear down the rooms where my children played and slept?” “Tear down the place where we’ve celebrated birthdays, graduations, anniversaries?” (Memory hoarder. Remember?) We’ve agonized. We’ve prayed. Talked to friends, family, and professionals. The answer has remained the same.

My husband gave me a “Wish Book” to encourage me to draw, write, and paste ideas that help create a new vision of home. And I have.  I’ll even admit it’s been fun.  But all the while, somewhere deep inside where I don’t like to go, a voice lists all the things that could go wrong. Chants the reasons it will never work.  Stirs up fears that lurk there.  The devil knows my weaknesses and he doesn’t hesitate to attack those vulnerable places.

So while our children are anxious for the work to begin and our friends are excited for this next adventure we are embarking on; I’ve dug in my heels and waited.  Waited for signs to move ahead.  Waited for signs to stop. Waited for clarity. Waited for peace. And in that waiting I’ve…..Failed. To. Trust.

Much to my dismay, I know that “Trust” is my word for 2016.  It challenges me.  How about you?  Are you like me?  Hesitant.. well more like desperate… not to let go of your own control? Reluctant to move forward? I hope not, but if you are; here’s the good news!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

I’m learning this lesson at an agonizingly slow pace but I’m sensing a shift.  A realization that I don’t have to “do” or “know”; but rather, I need to “be”. Be still. Be in His word. Be obedient. Be in His presence. Be loved. Change has never been easy for this ole gal, but to “be” all I can for Him, it’s vital.

Maybe you too, know exactly what I’m talking about.  You’re also facing a change, an illness, a death, a broken relationship, difficulties at work, a new baby, a longing for a baby, a wedding….good change or not so good, here is some encouragement I’ve found:

“Let’s face it-it can be challenging and sometimes scary to step out in faith, especially when we don’t know what lies ahead.  But when we trust God with our future and seek out His plans for our lives instead of our own, the blessings we receive will far exceed the things we think we are leaving behind.”

Tracie Miles, Faith Zone Challenge

Yesterday, we went to begin the final steps in ordering our new home.  We prayed before we left.  Boy, did we pray!  There were times I felt I couldn’t breathe. My nerves were on edge, but as soon as we pulled into the parking lot a peace seemed to come over me. And while we talked and planned excitement began to replace some of my fear. God is amazing like that!

I know that I’m not where I need to “be”….yet….there’ll still be worries, fears, and roadblocks to make me want to turn back. My plan? One word. Trust.  I’m determined to put my trust not in “my own understanding” but with God and to follow as He leads me on the path to not only my new home here, but someday to the home He’s prepared for me (and YOU) with Him.

 

Do you have a word for 2016? I’d love to hear what it is! Is there something I can pray about for you? Just leave either or both in the comments and I look forward to connecting with you!

 

 

 

 

M’m! M’m! Monday 3/28/16

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“I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2 (NLT)

There I was, standing in the middle of my kitchen shaking…shaking…shaking… but the cake would not come out of the pan and land on the plate like it was supposed to.  I’d followed the recipe and its not like I hadn’t made a pound cake before, but despite my aggressive attempts, the dessert I was to take to Easter dinner held tight.  Knife around the edges….shake again……no luck! Clunking on the counter…..knife around the edge again…..shake….shake….AND… out it came. Not only did my cake break free, it broke into many pieces! What an unexpected and unwanted mess!  Upon further reflection I realized that while I had greased the Bundt pan I’d left out an important step.  I had forgotten to flour it. My cake was doomed from the beginning.

Like a puzzle, I pieced it together the best I could and drizzled the glaze over the top which thankfully acted as a sort of sugary camouflage. Hesitantly, I placed it on the dessert table right next to a professional looking chocolate cake and a plate of fun, creative fudge. My best intentions lay on that plate reminding me that things don’t always turn out like I plan.

Isn’t that life?  We try and follow the “recipe” for being a good person and still Bad. Things. Happen. We’re stuck. Can’t move. Feels like we’ve had a knife through our heart.  Our whole world is shaken up and we fall to pieces.  WE were doomed from the beginning because we miss an important step.  Jesus.  We’re reminded that life is hard, our plans go awry and that we can never be good enough.  What a blessing that HE is! Jesus’ body was broken for us so that He can take all of our broken pieces and through grace, turn them into something beautiful! (No sugary camouflage needed!) That’s the Glory of the Resurrection!

Well, thankfully my cake tasted better than it looked so thought I’d share the recipe with you today.  Its hint of lemon and fresh strawberries make it a perfect Spring dessert. Just DON’T FORGET TO FLOUR THE PAN!!! Enjoy!

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Grace Said No

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“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
Pixabay

 

Grace Said No

The crown of thorns

Forced on His head,

Bruises, slashes,

Wounds that bled.

Voices heard

Above the crowd,

Jeers and Jokes

Mocking loud.

Rhythm made by

Each hammer blow.

Perfect heart

Beating slow.

Darkness swallowed

Up the sky

As they waited

For Him to die.

“It is finished”

Said for me

While the devil 

Danced with glee.

“I’ve won!” He bragged

“I told you so….”

But on Easter morn

Grace.

 Said.

No.

[bctt tweet=”But…on Easter morn Grace. Said. No.”]

I’m joining up again with #livefreeThursday at http://www.tsuzanneeller.com The prompts was “no”.  Sometimes a poem just comes out of me even when it is not what I plan to write. Want to see what other women are writing on “no”? Click on over to Suzie’s site.

M’m! M’m! Monday 3/21/16

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"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)

Easter is coming!  Oh, how I love this time of year!  Daffodils, baby animals, longer days, Peeps (the marshmallow kind), and a new dress!  Growing up, for my sisters and I,  Easter always meant a new dress, hat, gloves, purse, and shoes and still today I like to wear a new dress on Easter Sunday.  Isn’t that what Spring and Easter remind us of? Not new clothes but becoming a new person.  Jesus was nailed to the cross, died, and rose again for you and me so that we can shed our old sinful selves and become new in Him. No more winter chill but the warmth of the Son shining for us!  Alleluia!

Because it IS the week of Easter I thought I would share a unique side dish recipe that will compliment any Easter dinner.  It takes a new twist on a traditional dish:

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This recipe intrigued me and it didn’t disappoint. It takes the 2-3 bags of onion rings to have enough size variation to make the towers.  I was able to create 12 with two bags. The third would provide options tho.  You can also add a little milk to the green bean mixture if it seems too thick.

I’m always on the look out for interesting recipes so feel free to share some of yours in the comments section.  Happy Easter, Happy Cooking, and Happy Eating, Cindy

 

 

 

The Call: A Living Hope Story

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<a href="https://pixabay.com/users/OpenClipartVectors/">OpenClipartVectors</a> / Pixabay

“A dirt floor, no desks, two boxes of chalk, and four books”

This is the second in a series of miraculous true stories about Living Hope High School in Bungoma, Kenya.  Stories that share the divine inspiration and dedication to helping students of poverty, who once had no hope, reach their full potential.

“And He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.” Matthew 4:19-20

“My sheep listen to My voice; I know them and they follow Me” John 10:27

Still in awe of hearing God’s voice fill her tiny kitchen, the words echoed over and over as if they were a recording stuck on repeat;  “They went to bed hungry”, “Go”, and “I will provide”. Marilyn still wasn’t sure what they meant. At the close of the school year, thinking Uganda was where God would “provide” and wanted her to “go”, Marilyn pursued a return trip.  Much to her surprise, God had other plans!  At that very time Uganda was in the midst of intense violence. Rotary International wasn’t about to put Marilyn into the middle of it. They did however, offer to send her to a more peaceful area; Bungoma, Kenya. Without hesitation, off she went once again, seeds in tow, to plant gardens and tend souls.

Once in Kenya, Marilyn and other volunteers worked together to create community gardens where once there were only hard plots of ground.  As the small sprouts grew from the now fertile soil a longing grew in Marilyn.  Her teacher’s heart was restless. As Rehema Orphanage was nearby, she went in search of fertile minds.  It didn’t take Marilyn long to know that things weren’t right at the orphanage.  The small shelters housing the children leaked, they lacked basic supplies, and she was angered to find that the wood she’d just purchased was gone but hadn’t been used to provide heat for the children. The conditions weighed on Marilyn until she realized that just as God had told her months before…these children WERE “going to bed hungry”. She knew this was where God was calling her.

As the summer wore on Marilyn learned that there were twenty-five eighth graders who had lived at Rehema their entire lives and were about to be put out on the streets, alone, with no skills to help them survive. She agonized, lying awake at night trying to come up with a plan. She couldn’t stand by and watch as these children were discarded; and everything she knew about the life of Jesus convinced her that she had to do something.

Finding an old shed on the orphanage property, Marilyn approached the Director with an idea.  She’d prayed he would agree and reluctantly he allowed the students to stay.  She quickly began cleaning out the dark, dirty lean-to. It would no longer house unwanted items but instead become a high school classroom for students who were now unwanted themselves. Marilyn had no doubt she had the skills to teach these students, after all it was what she’d been doing year after year. So with a mud floor, no desks, two boxes of chalk, and four books; school was called into session. But, too soon the time came to return home and Marilyn reluctantly hired another teacher to fill her place.

Flying home felt wrong; like swimming against the current.  Questions swirled in Marilyn’s head. She knew without a doubt that Rehema was where she was meant to be but she had responsibilities: a job, a house, a truck, and a beloved dog.  She couldn’t leave those things behind. Or could she? The turmoil quieted and a peace enveloped Marilyn.  She knew that the kind of call she’d received from God was a call that demands a response.  Mary and Joseph recognized it. The disciples recognized it.  Marilyn recognized it too.  She would answer the call and follow Him. Where He would lead her?  She had no idea.

Copyright Living Hope High School, Bungoma, Kenya

Step into Adventure

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I watched him as he teetered.  I couldn’t tell what he was thinking but the expression on his face proclaimed he had more confidence than he should. His loosened his grip. I held my breath.  Setting his sight on where he wanted to be, he let go…momentarily suspended in air…only to wobble and fall.

I’m in awe of how fast my grandson is changing! He’s no longer as dependent on us as he was.  He can crawl and get to whatever he wants now (whether he should or not)! He’s right on the verge of walking.

I’ve told my daughter and son-in-law that once he takes off they’d better be ready for an adventure! It certainly won’t be the only adventure they’ll embark on, though.  His first day of school. Getting his driver’s license. Leaving him in his college dorm room.  Seeing him hold a baby of his own. (sigh)  And everything in between!  Yes, life is a constant adventure!

And isn’t that true of our Christian life too? I hate to admit it, but in my adventure with God, confidence is what I proclaim to the world when in reality there are times I teeter into doubt.   I don’t know about you, but I often feel wobbly when stepping out in faith and I see where I want to be spiritually but frequently fall short.  Being a slow learner, it’s taking me a while to realize that when my eyes are on me (ugh! There are 6 “I’s” in the above paragraph…count them!) it’s easy to trip over my own performance and down I go! That’s when I’m reminded to look up!

The adventure of walking begins with baby steps and a firm grip on fingers of love. It takes time and encouragement.   The adventure of walking with God? The same exact thing…..

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” Psalm 37:23-24 (NIV)

Trudging through difficulties at work or home?  Treading into the unknown of an unexpected illness? Dreams and plans hit a bump in the road? Barely able to put one foot in front of the other? Or maybe you’re planning a wedding. Considering a new job. Looking forward to retirement. Tip-toeing where you’ve never been before. Shaky steps for sure!  Listen to this….

“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:30-31 (NIV)

What a promise!  God takes us from baby steps to walking… running… and even soaring!  And have you noticed what I have? We don’t have to “tote” our performance. Our delight and hope in the Lord are enough.  So, are you ready to step into the adventure?  Yes, we may stumble, but when we grasp tightly to the hands of grace that loved us enough to go to the cross We. Will. Not. Fall.

Linking up with “livefreeThursday again this week.  To read about more of life’s adventures click to go to http://www.tsuzanneeleer.com

M’m! M’m! Monday! 3/14/16

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"This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook--try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, BE FEARLESS, and above all have fun. ~Julia Child

“This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook–try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, BE FEARLESS, and above all have fun.
~Julia Child

It drives me crazy when I get an idea and then just let it go by the wayside.  I do it with unimportant things but I also do it when I’m pretty sure it’s a job God has placed on my to do list. Thankfully, this is one of those “not so important things”… My Recipe Challenge.  I had such good intentions of posting all the new recipes I was trying but somehow it got put on the back burner so to speak.  Soooooo…..here’s my new idea!  Welcome to M’m! M’m! Monday.  I am going to try and post a new recipe every Monday.  Let’s face it, Monday’s are just hard.  Planning what to eat on Monday is even harder.  I’m hoping some of the recipes I post will help take a little of the pain out of menu planning and inspire you to join me in trying something new.  I promise these recipes will not be difficult and will take pretty normal ingredients.  (that’s what I look for in a new recipe) I love your feedback so let me know if you try something you find here.

Let’s Get Cooking!

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These ribs are so tender they just about melt in your mouth.  I like to serve them with baked potatoes, corn, and a bowl of peaches.  There!  Your menu is ready.  Enjoy!

 

Deep in the Muck

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A "cleaner" wheeler ride! Can you believe I got back on with him?

A “cleaner” wheeler ride! Can you believe I got back on with him?

Have you ever had an up close and personal relationship with manure?  You know…sticky, smelly, squishy…comes from the wrong end of everything? You read it right, manure! Well, my encounter with manure is one I’ll never forget!

As a new teacher from the city, in a small, rural town, twelve hours away from all my family and friends, I was welcomed into the home of a fellow teacher for supper each weekend.  (She later became my mother-in-law but that’s a story for another time). Anyway, I loved going there because it was on a farm and there were so many new things to see and do. Of course I never considered a rendezvous with manure being one of them.

After supper one cold, blustery night, Joe, the youngest in the family had to go check on the cows.  As he donned his coveralls he looked back over his shoulder and jokingly asked if I’d like to join him.  Much to his surprise (and mine too) I said yes.  So began my transformation.  Coveralls, gloves, a disreputable hat, and knee-high black rubber boots.  I was quite thrilled with my get-up and felt ready for the cover of The Farmer’s Almanac!  Out the door we went.  With an uncoordinated swing of my leg I plopped on the back of the three wheeler behind Joe and we took off around the fields checking for any new calves. The icy air slapped my cheeks  and the bars I was sitting on slapped my other….well, you get the idea. Approaching the barn, I thought our job was coming to an end but we paused right outside a large opening.  What I saw in front of me sent a shiver down my spine. There in our path was a huge pile of snow.  Joe looked back at me and seeing the terror in my eyes he smiled, revved the engine, and took off determined to give me the ride of my life!  I had a sinking feeling.

sinking became more than a feeling! As it turned out, it was not the snow pile we’d anticipated.  Instead it was an enormous mountain of manure disguised by a layer of clean, white snow. Momentum propelled us upward but just as the wheeler reached the top, the engine died and we sank. Despite several valiant attempts, Joe was unable to get us free so he told me I’d have to drive and he’d get off and push us out.  This is where city girl made her mistake .  Having never driven a three-wheeler or anything close to it, I was scared and so I firmly refused. With more confidence than I actually felt, I told Joe that I’d get off and push!

To his credit, Joe did ask me if I was sure before he agreed.  Attempting to appear undaunted I stepped right down into the waiting muck. My feet began to disappear deep into the mire until manure was dripping down inside my knee-high boots; gunk soaking through my socks.  Gripping the back bar of the wheeler I listened as Joe counted……Are you picturing  where this is going?

One, two three!…….He gunned the motor. With a gallant effort, I pushed. The tires spun. And yes, in a split second I had cow manure everywhere manure could possibly go.  In my hair, dripping from my eyelashes, my nose, in my ears, covering my clothes. I was manure from. top. to. bottom.  As I stood stuck, with globs of poo plopping from the brim of my hat and sliding down my face, I learned that being deep in the muck is NOT where I wanted to be!

Since then I’ve come to realize that life can sometimes feel like being stuck deep in the muck. Stress at work, bills to pay, health issues, troubled marriage, worrying about children, plans that don’t work out….the list is long. None of us want to be lodged in the depths of these situations but when we find ourselves unexpectedly sinking, what a comfort it is to know we are not alone.

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him.” Psalm 40:2-3 (NIV)

I certainly don’t have all the answers and I flounder when I find myself not where I want to be. I  may not always see a solution right away or recognize God leading me to solid ground as I struggle in the slime, maybe you can relate,  but this I do know… His word assures us we can look to Him for help and He’ll not leave us on our own.

The end of my “farm-hand initiation” that winter night? It came when Joe suddenly (not quite quickly enough for me, mind you) remembered a switch on the three-wheeler that when flipped, enabled the tires to lift up out of the murky hole they’d been trapped in. I’ll never forget his sheepish grin as he reached out his hand and helped me, manure smell, and all, back onto the wheeler.

This was the first of many adventures I had on the farm but the lesson I learned in the manure  is my favorite.  When I find myself unable to move forward or release what is behind me. When I’m sinking and stuck deep in the muck I’m reminded that just as the tires were lifted up so many years ago, we have a God that we can trust to lift US up. That smells like victory to me!

Scar Story

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“He bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24 NIV

Ever find yourself lying unconscious in the gutter? No?  I never expected to either! So imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes to find myself wedged between the tires of a car and the curb…literally lying in the gutter!  It was one of those moments that moved in slow motion and seemed like a dream or in this case a nightmare.  As I looked up from my undignified position a crowd of unfamiliar eyes stared down at me.   Sprawled on the pavement, one flip flop on, one off, my clothing askew, and a throbbing head made me want to disappear down the drain I was laying on!

I was a teenager on vacation and I’d fainted as we were walking along the sidewalk, souvenir shopping. I’d had too much……….not what you’re thinking…….sun. As it turned out, I had to get stitches in the gash near my eye. I still bear the scar on my face from that embarrassing adventure long ago that I’d rather forget.

Scars are like that. They stick with us. They tell the story of imperfect moments in our journey through life. Everyone’s are unique.  You NOW know that some of mine tell of accidents, some say I’ve survived health issues, and still others remind me of times I might not have used good judgement or paid close enough attention.

We don’t just display our scars on the outside, though.  Our story continues with the ones we wear on the inside, too. Maybe we’ve been “stabbed” in the back by a friend. Our heart’s been “pierced” by someone we love. Words have “cut” deep into our soul. Insecurity has “carved” its way into our thoughts. These scars can feel as if they’ll never heal. And they don’t if left on their own. Here’s the Good News for you and me….we’re NOT left on our own!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

What a comfort to know that God not only knows every hair on our head but also every hurt we endure. And just as He designed our skin to repair itself on the outside,  He takes our inward pain and layer by layer knits the damaged pieces into a place of strength.

There have been times I’ve wished my scars weren’t there, but as I’ve grown older I realize that inside or out; each bump, bruise, scrape, and gouge has been stitched together to create who I am today. It’s my scar story. A story that’s full of hurt, disappointment, and fear, but it doesn’t end there.  It’s also a story that tells of this girl’s healing through forgiveness, love and grace. Now THAT’S a story that will stick with you!  What’s your scar story?

If you want to read more about loving your scars, click on over to http://www.tsuzanneeller.com for #livefreeThursday wisdom.

What Could Be Worth More?

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My name is Cindy and I am a recovering Perfectionist.

For a long time I didn’t recognize the signs, even though looking back they were there. It wasn’t until I heard the words; words that caught me totally off guard because they came out of MY mouth, that I realized there was a problem. “If my own father could leave me, I can’t be worth much.” Where did that come from?  I’d never consciously had that thought before the very instant those words tumbled from my heart onto my tongue.

I’ve come to realize that somewhere in the traumatic moments as my dad turned his back on the sobbing eleven year old me and walked out our front door, a lie seeped into every crack of my freshly broken heart.  A lie so painful that typing about it now brings me to tears.  A lie that told a little girl that if she’d only been better, her dad wouldn’t have left.

Funny thing about lies, they’re often easy to believe and this one grew and intertwined itself in every part of my life until I was convinced that to be loved, I had to be perfect. Well, we all know how that turns out, don’t we?  Trying to be the best student, teacher, wife, parent, Christian…doing all that I could to give that flawless performance so others would see my worth…. so I could see my own worth… backfired.  The harder I tried, the more failures I experienced, the more failures-the more guilt I felt, so what did I do?  I tried harder. Striving to be perfect was exhausting!

Speaking those words that had been hidden in my heart for so long was the beginning of a journey I’m still on.  A journey of recovery. A journey of freedom. A journey of grace.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (NIV)

Did you catch that?  It’s taken me a long time to embrace this wonderful truth. God’s love doesn’t wait for us to be perfect!  We are loved when we’re angry. We’re loved when we are judgmental. We are loved when we fail. And yes, we are loved when we are imperfectly doing everything we can to be perfect. 

I am a recovering Perfectionist.  I am Cindy and I am loved! Friends, you are too!  What could be worth more?

Linking up again today with Suzanne Eller’s #livefreeThursday at http://www.tsuzanneeller.com Today’s prompt? “When you’ve done all you can” Enjoy!